Strong friendships can last forever. If your child is the type who makes firm and fast friendships that stand the test of time, they are fortunate indeed! It is however your job as parents to help or hinder friendships, and it is important to recognize the responsibility you have towards your children to help them forge bonds with the right people.
If your teen makes friends easily, you may have trouble keeping track of who they have just invited into their lives. Most parents want their children to have plenty of friends, but the important thing is for them to have the right sort of friends! Helping your children know the difference is part of your job.
Some children are nurturers from the start, and are naturally drawn to the sad or troubled in an attempt to help. This is fine as long as they are just helping someone but not making the troubled kid into their close friend and learning from their bad behaviors and inappropriate actions. Most of the time your kids will be in danger of being wrongly influenced themselves and you need to think seriously about limiting their friendships.
You can encourage your teen to reach out in a safer way by joining a group that does outreach to the troubled kids in their school. This is just good common sense. The teen years are impressionable ones, and developing close relationships with the ‘wrong crowd’ (even with the intent of being helpful or a better example) can be a slippery slope.
There is a fine line to walk between being too controlling and being irresponsible when it comes to who you let your child form friendships with. The best route is to discuss your reasons with your child honestly and openly, and explain that people who exhibit certain types of behavior might not be the best people to hang out with.
Be proactive in meeting your children’s peers and their parents, so you can make a qualified judgment on whether or not they are appropriate friends for your child. That is not to say you have to ban all contact with any but ‘approved’ friends – just that deeper friendships should be reserved for those who can bring your child up, not down.
Teach your teenager that a true friend is someone that they can learn from and share their strengths with. A friendship should offer more than just a person to hang out with – it should bring enrichment and growth to both parties! Often these types of people will be involved in leadership roles and community projects – which is where you want your child to be too.
Find out if there is a teen awareness program to raise awareness about drugs and alcohol. These groups can become tightly knit and provide a solid network of support against peer pressure and offers of such substances. Your children can benefit from the knowledge that they are not alone and at the same time they can help reach out to others to support and encourage!
Watch who your children’s friends are! Who they hang out with is who they will be influenced by, and you want to be sure those influences are positive! Encourage your children to choose friends who excel at something your children can learn from or be inspired by – they can learn and grow by associating with these friends and in turn share their own skills and strengths.
The friendships they make in school can turn into lasting relationships that can stand the tests of distance and time; they can also provide support and enjoyment for years to come! Let your children know that they can be kind to everyone and give of themselves in many ways, but to save their deep friendships for those who have something positive to bring to the table.